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When I hear that one of my friends has a boyfriend, I can’t help but imagine that they have that sweet kind of relationship you see in movies. Like tickle-fights, texting until one falls asleep, going on cute trips together, and comforting each other. And yes, even fighting and making up.

I want that. I want all of the above. But then again I don’t.

Imagine you have all of that and one day it’s over. You break up with the person you thought was the love of your life and all the precious memories go to waste.

I certainly don’t want that.

Some people say

It’s better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

I don’t know what to say about that. I guess I’m not that strong, I can’t bear losing the thing I love. Maybe that’s the reason I can’t open up towards other people. Maybe I’m afraid that I start to have feelings for them and then they just go away or someone takes them away.

But maybe I’m just immature when it comes to relationships and everything I said was just a big excuse. Maybe it’s time to grow up.